I've been pretty sick this past month. I spent a lot of my time sitting around and wishing the stomach pains would go away. Not only stomach pains, but the inflammation in my joints and my shins and on my face. Heck, even my hair has started to fall out again like it used to.
Don't worry, I don't have a disease or anything like that.
About a month ago, I lost sight of my beliefs. I made a decision that I thought would give me more time to write, that would save our family money, and would make my life a whole lot easier. I don't know what I was thinking.
I often tease that I hate to cook, that I don't know how to cook. Truth is, I do dislike cooking, but I do know how to do it. I know how to cook animals. My family decided that in order to save money, we are going to eat at home instead of going out every night. With little time to prepare dinner in between working full-time, working-out, and then writing, I bought free-range meat from the store and cooked it for dinner. Every night this past month.
I knew it was wrong. It tasted awful. It got stuck in my teeth and was hard to chew. And every time, my heart ached for I wondered about the life that once lived in the carcass I was cooking. Unfortunately, I haven't exercised much and I didn't write at all because I've been so sick. I thought if I just gave it some time, my body would begin to make the digestive acids / enzymes needed to digest the flesh, but it is taking forever, and I have a life to live.
I felt so guilty and disgusted with myself, I only told four people in the world: My son, husband, mom and a friend who was once a vegetarian. Now, you all know.
Today, I realized what an idiot I've been...
It's hard to be a vegetarian surrounded by meat eaters. But now I know it's even harder to be a meat eater. I've said it in the past, and I should start saying it again: Anything worth anything is worth working hard for. If everything was easy, everything would be worth nothing. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it does to me. Ha! ;)
I'm not promising I won't fall again, but it is my responsibility to my health and the health of the world not to.
In other news:
I'm going underground for a while to write. I'd like to get Dark Horse out to you this fall as I promised, so I better get her done. I won't be on Facebook or Twitter much, but will be back as soon as this draft is complete. So, I apologize in advance if I miss your birthday or important announcement.
Also, we lost a good friend last week. I once worked at an animal hospital and this precious soul was found in a dumpster when she was one day old. I took her home with me and bottle fed her. When she was bigger, she would stand on her hind legs when I beckoned so that I could pick her up. She'd stretch out into a Superman pose when I lifted her in the air. When my first husband and I divorced, she went to live with him for a few years. Fortunately for me, she came back to me a few years ago. She slept with me every night and would cuddle up with me when I was sad. I think she held on as long as she could to make up for lost time. She was 19 years old, my friend, Geri-Bean.